kayla aimee: only slightly neurotic

There's a reason UNdomestic life has it's own category

Our sink has never had stoppers in it. Apparently sink stoppers are one of those things the previous owner took with them, along with the fireplace key, the hot and cold labels on all of the faucets, and every single one of the door stoppers.

Because of this, I have never been able to really plug up the sink to soak anything in it. My mother surprised me with some sink stoppers and so today I thought to myself "Self, I shall soak all of the burner cover things from the stove and finally get the burned crayon off them and it shall be delightful." And so I removed all of the burner cover things, dunked them in the sink, added some cleaner and turned on the water.

Then I left the kitchen.

On the plus side, I went ahead and mopped the kitchen floor, seeing as how all that soapy water was already there.

 

The good news is, the smoke detector works GREAT

Yesterday was my first full day of productivity and I was feeling really good about all of the things I was getting accomplished. The only small issue I was having, tiny really, was that I currently can not stand the smell of my kitchen. Now I've never known my kitchen to have any particular smell in the past but since I've been pregnant, I can smell bar-be-que cooking six counties over. And it's not a bad smell per se, I think it's just the mix of all the different foods together that I can't take. I just know that the few times I've ventured into the kitchen, I've run out with my hand over my mouth. Don't ask me how I plan on ever going grocery shopping again.

Last week I had a craving for apple cider and while it was on the stove I discovered that the smell of apple juice and cinnamon and cloves makes me feel less nauseous. I also discovered that I couldn't actually drink the cider. Apparently the baby does not have the same fondness for hot apple cider that I do.

Yesterday I got the bright idea to make hot apple cider solely for the smell, because I didn't have any candles in the house and I wanted to clean the kitchen. Knowing I wasn't going to drink it, I was very generous with my helping of cloves. Cloves smell amazing.

Given my past history of setting things on fire, I'm not sure if I can blame what happened next on pregnancy brain or not. I totally forgot to turn the cider down from a boil and left the room. Which is how my entire kitchen filled with smoke. And subsequently smelled like burnt cider, which was completely contradictory to my plan. That's right. I was out of bed for less than 24 hours and nearly burned the house down.

And in case you were curious what it looks like when you burn apple cider, don't worry. I documented it for you.

Man, I've missed blogging. Also, I wrote this post with muffins in the oven. I feel as though there is irony in there somewhere.

On the other hand, there's one more excuse not to iron

We have an ant problem. If you follow me on Twitter, you might have deduced this last week, when my tweets read something like: OMG THE ANTS! HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF ANTS!

I have an issue with ants and I blame that issue on the Scholastic Book Fair. Every year the Scholastic Book Fair paraded into our elementary school library, mocking us with it's selection of age appropriate books that the library itself did not carry. There was a certain set of books we all coveted, creatively titled "Scary Stories." I don't even like scary stories but those were the books the cool kids bought. So in the third grade, I took the $5 that my mother intended for me to buy Anne of Green Gables with and I bought Scary Stories Three.

In that book was a story about a boy who was killed by ants. Not because he was allergic. BECAUSE THEY PLOTTED TO KILL HIM. The wrote the word DIE in his ant farm and then crawled into his bed at night and WENT INTO HIS MOUTH AND CHOKED HIM TO DEATH.

Really? REALLY SCHOLASTIC BOOK FAIRS? I can't fathom why anyone would give a child that book unless they HATE CHILDREN.

So you can see the problem I had yesterday when I noticed a line of ants headed into my scrapbook room. OH NO YOU DIDN'T ANTS. You can take my kitchen but you will never take my patterned paper. I followed the line of ants up the ironing board. I don't iron clothes but 2x3 pieces of vintage fabric for scrapbook layouts, those I iron. The ants, hundreds of ants were INSIDE MY IRON. There was nothing inside my iron but water. I do not understand this. I opened the spout and ants came pouring out so quickly that I frantically threw the iron in the bathroom sink and turned the faucet on in an attempt to drown them. I probably can't use that iron any more.

Then, when the ants were down to a number that didn't make me have a complete panic attack, I took a picture for the people that think I make stuff like this up (coughcoughJohnMcGukin). Is this normal? What do I do? P.S. I googled and found this similar story, and yeah, my iron looked like that. She was braver than I in her picture taking.
 

I can't even blame things like this on pregnancy brain

This morning I decided to fix myself some coffee. I was holding the whipped cream in one hand and the pumpkin spice creamer in the other. We all know where this is going, right? I shook the creamer, thinking it was the whipped cream. I am now covered in creamer. On the positive note, I see no need for perfume today, seeing as I now smell like a pumpkin.

A few days ago I went to pour myself a glass of juice and mistakenly shook up a 2liter of Dr. Pepper, thinking it was the V8. Do you know when I realized my mistake? When I OPENED THE DR. PEPPER. The one I had just shaken. Right.

What I'm trying to say is, if you are coming to my house for the holidays it is probably in your best interest NOT to ask me to fix you a drink. Unless you like wearing your eggnog.

ETA: While driving to work, I decided I did not want to smell like pumpkin after all and sprayed myself with perfume. Unfortunately, I left the lid off of my coffee cup this morning and now said coffee tastes like Ralph Lauren Blue.

Also, in answer to your sweet emails: I am not pregnant. I meant for my post title to read as IF I WAS PREGNANT AT LEAST I'D HAVE SOMETHING TO BLAME THIS INSANITY ON. Don't worry, if I get myself knocked up I will NOT be subtle about letting you know. In fact, you'll probably get a phone call. You know, from when I randomly call people out of the phone book to share the good news.

Household Help: The Grocery Budget

Obviously I am trying to get a household plan together because of the whole "we are about to have a mortgage" thing.

Thud.

Sorry. I have myself together now. Anyhow, a few weeks ago, my sweet husband bought a newspaper subscription from a kid that showed up on our porch because he thought I'd like the coupons. Which I did, after I freaked out about the fact that he bought something from someone who came to our door who wasn't a girl scout. In my opinion, if they aren't holding a box of Thin Mints, they are not valid.

The problem is, I tried the whole grocery game thing. And it could be my lack of math skills or complete lack of common sense, but I totally didn't get it. So I am not sure how to use the coupons the most effectively.

Food is the biggest portion of our budget that I want to cut down. This is partially because I am a terrible cook and often I throw my hands up in despair while something is burning in my kitchen and then we end up going out to eat. And also because I am not sure how to put together a recipe/shopping list that is budget friendly.

For example, my friends Tiffani and Darcy are like walking issues of Family Circle, the ones that say "Feed A Family Of Four For $50 A Week!" on the cover. I know, right? And they are totally gorgeous. Sometimes they give me a complex. Tiffani is always cooking up a whole chicken and using it all week. And when I visited Darcy she made an entire meal out of some ham and a few blades of grass.

So tell me, what works for you? Do you grocery shop once a week? How do you plan your meals? How do you use your coupons? And how do you save on organic/fresh produce? I could really use the help!