Husband: Would you like to explain September 14th to me?
Right. Because apparently when you write "Kidney Donation" on your calendar, other people don't know that it just means that you have a box of clothes. To put on the porch. For the American Kidney Fund.
This is why no one understands me.
Yesterday I was leaving for work when I noticed a light on my dashboard. This is a problem because of that whole "Jeff and I share one car" thing and also because of that whole "I totally freak out about car problems" thing.
As I am driving down the road my car is making this weird groaning sound and sort of skidding around. It was really very safe, especially since it was pouring rain. I start saying a little prayer, and it's possible that I might have laid hands on my dashboard. Because car problems? THAT HAS BEEN OUR ENTIRE SUMMER.
I made it to work. Upon driving home from work the little light was gone and my car drove perfectly.
This morning I get in the car and the little light is on again. I debate for a minute, and decide I am going to drive anyways because I have to go to work. I'm very logical.
So I put the parking brake down.
And the little light went off.
Because the little light?
It means the parking brake is ON.
I drove the entire way to work with the parking brake on.
There was no problem with my car. The problem was that I'm ridiculous. It's like that time I pulled into Auto Zone because my check engine light was blinking and they laughed at me and told me that I forgot to put my gas cap back on.
What's even worse is that it's not like this a new car and I'm just not familiar with the parking brake light. I have owned this car for 8 years.
You know, the Bible says that we are supposed to live life abundantly. So what I like to do is, I like to laugh at myself when I do stupid things. This means you should be able to find me laughing at almost any given time. At the same time, you can find my husband weeping and gnashing his teeth. We interpret the Bible differently I think.
But the other day I looked back over my twitter feed and realized that people who don't know me probably think that I am absolutely insane.
Case in point: my twitter feed over the last few months
So at work we have a helium tank. This is because we blow up balloons and tie them outside every day. Tying up the balloons is my job on the days I am here. It's really the simplest thing that I do, which basically means that I shouldn't be able to screw it up. And yet...
For the last month I've come in nearly every day ranting about how someone keeps STEALING MY BALLOONS. And I don't understand why because when kids come in the office and ask if they can have a balloon I totally give them one. So why steal them? And the kicker is, on my days off my co-workers tell me that no one is stealing balloons. The balloons are still fine and dandy at the end of the day. Obviously someone has it out for me.
Yesterday I realized that perhaps no one is stealing my balloons after all. Perhaps I have just been tying them too close to the fence. The fence that has barbed wire on the top.
The little bits of balloon remnants sticking to the barbed wire is what convinced me.
The girl sitting next to me at Starbucks is meeting with her wedding planner. I am having an incredibly hard time resisting jumping into this conversation with all of my amazing wedding planning ideas. Like for instance, use my wedding photographer. See exhibit A. Or the beautiful place we got married at. See exhibit B. Or my incredibly cute DIY programs. See exhibit C.
The restraint I am showing right now is incredible. Really. Smart people should do studies on my amazing amount of self control.And write books on it.
