kayla aimee: only slightly neurotic

I'll tell you all my secrets, as long as I don't run into you at the grocery store

I discovered something about myself that I think might be slightly neurotic. I'll let y'all decide.

Sometimes I run into people that I know. You know, in person, like at the mall. Sometimes those people will mention something that they read on my blog. And that kind of makes me all nervous, because I just don't expect that person to be reading my blog and so I feel all caught off guard.

I immediately start running through a list of things in my head that I've blogged about, wondering what all they've read. Did I say anything that might offend them, like that post about how I hate leggings...much like the ones they are currently wearing? Did they read that post where I talked about my driving anxiety? Have they figured out who Regina George is? And then I'm all OH MY GOSH I FEEL SO EXPOSED.

Which is really ridiculous because I write these things ON THE INTERNET. Where anyone can read them. Anyone at all. As evidenced by the hits that show up from somewhere in Uzbeckistan. I don't even know anyone in Uzbeckistan (actually I'm not really sure if Uzbeckistan is a country.)

Total strangers reading my innermost thoughts? Totally cool with that. My eleventh grade history teacher? Sort of makes me nervous.

That's totally illogical, isn't it?

Things I Learned About Lysol Today

1) It takes nearly 1/2 of a full can of Lysol Disinfectant Spray to kill a spider that is hanging out on the door to your office.

2) Lysol has a spraying distance of about 2 feet, meaning that you'll have to get closer to said spider than you prefer due to your total arachnophobia. You are, however, still further away than if you were to try and smash it with some sort of object, making it less effective as a spider killing tool but a handy backup plan.

3) It takes another 1/4 of a can of Lysol Disinfectant Spray to feel as though the spider is really, actually, truly, very much dead after it falls to the floor and you discover that the little red marking you noticed earlier is shaped like an hourglass and OH MY GOSH THAT IS A BLACK WIDOW KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!

4) It is possible to get slightly extremely pretty much high heady from an excessive amount of Lysol sprayed into a small entryway. On the plus side, you can use this as an excuse for your erractic behavior on the phone with the exterminator after you've called him screeching OH MY GOSH THAT IS IS BLACK WIDOW KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!

5) Lysol smells a little more pleasant than the typical bug killing spray, which I would have used had there been any available to me. Note to self: Buy spider killing spray right after you hang up with the exterminator.

6) People are definitely going to think that you are trying to cover something up upon entering said entryway. Probably for the next two weeks. Apparently, the scent of Lysol is one that lingers.

I'm pretty proud of myself for conquering my enemy, although truly my choices were to either kill the giant man-eating spider or risk it moving and being forced to spend the rest of the day wondering about the whereabouts of said spider.

Full disclosure: I admit to going out the back office door and seeing if the neighbor was home to ask him if he would kill the spider for me prior to engaging in such an epic battle. You may feel free to refer to me as William Wallace from this point on.

Neurosis: Tornado Safety Room

The wind is blowing really hard here. Every time it does, the house sort of makes this swishing sound as it buckles and sways. And all I can think is "this house would so not survive a tornado."

Because we all know about my irrational freak outs due to my childhood trauma completely logical fear of tornados.

Luckily, this is not my house. My house has a special concrete tornado safety room in the basement. That's why we bought it over the other house. So that I would have someplace other than the bathtub to cower in with my laptop while intensely monitoring The Weather Channel anytime the sky looks slightly dark.

Sure, it smells kind of musty and I have to read by flashlight. But you need a flashlight anyway in your tornado shelter, along with a battery powered radio, spare emergency cellphone, a shovel and your autographed copy of Hanson's MMM-Bop CD. And yeah, I have to share my tornado safety room with our Christmas decorations because Jeff insists on referring to it as a "storage closet" but that's not a huge deal because it's not like I keep the Christmas decorations there most of the time anyhow. I mean, from October through April they're on the tree.

Maybe you look at other people's houses and make mental notes about their choice of decor. I look at other people's houses and judge whether or not I will be likely to die there.

This is why I like to be friends with people of the Morman faith. Because one time I went to my friend Jessie's house and that's when I discovered that they keep a year's worth of essentials stored in their basement in case of an emergency. It very nearly converted me.

(Actually at the time it was like, 1999 and I was all "Jessie, is your family afraid of Y2K or something?" and she was all "No, we're Morman" and then I was all "What's a Morman?" because I was really, really, really very sheltered)

There's a reason it's called neurotic

  A few weeks ago I went to Nashville with my girlfriends and my sweet friend Stephanie did a little photo shoot with us. Being followed around by a photographer just reinforced my belief that I would really enjoy being followed around by an entire film crew. Especially if that film crew was following me around while I hung out with one of the Olsen Twins (make it happen MTV.)

Neurosis of the day: I am really freaked out by the thin skin on my inner elbow. Other people's elbows don't bother me, just my own. Sometimes I'll wake up with my arm across my face and then be completly skeeved out. Like this morning. Does anyone else have this issue?

Wilna and I are working on a new release of the Bling Out Your Blog class. I am in the process of making over a couple of blogs to use as examples in the class and I need one more blogger blog to makeover. Anyone interested? My only requirement is that your current blog has little to no bling on it so that I can start from scratch (you'll have to be comfortable letting me log in to your blog as well). Leave me a comment and I'll randomly choose one to receive the makeover and get a free space in the class in April.

This post is quite random, isn't it?

Five For Friday | Lunchbox Neurosis Edition

A new little blog series I'm implementing because a) I really enjoy odd numbers and b) I am always appreciative of alluring alliteration.

1. My lunch today consists of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a peanut butter Nature Valley bar, and celery sticks smeared with...wait for it....peanut butter. Apparently I had a thing for peanut butter this morning. It surprises me that as I was packing this lunch I never thought to myself "Self, maybe this is too much peanut butter for one person." Because that is what I am thinking now, when it is time to actually eat all of this peanut butter.
   
2. I brought celery sticks for lunch simply because I bought this cute new lunch container with separators for veggies and the celery fit perfectly into the third spot. My therapist would call that obsessive compulsive but I call it incredibly satisfying.
3. Every week I have this huge dilemma about whether to email back to blog comments or just reply back on the blog. It only occurred to me this morning to ask y'all which method of communication you prefer.
4. I spent my entire life thinking that dilemma was spelled with a silent n until spellcheck just told me otherwise. Spell check is also apparently spelled as two separate words. The education I get from the internet is amazing.
5. I look so ghastly today that I was going to take a picture to show you just how outrageously bad of a hair day I was having. But when I went to open my webcam, the computer shut down. Did you get that internet? I'm so hideous that I broke my webcam. Obviously my computer is not sensitive to my current hormonal state.