kayla aimee: only slightly neurotic

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

Scarlette turned 7 months old on the 7th but because the water company has torn up our street, our internet goes out every three point five seconds. Meaning it's taken me a week to write this post. Seriously.

I've been documenting Scarlette's milestones, stats and medical updates on her own space on the blog but keep forgetting to link it here! So here you go Aunt Shawn: Scarlette's new page! It's kind of a lot of information but it will get you up to date on what's been going on since we came home (We've been home two months today!)

Here are the highlights if you're not up to reading 2 months worth of medical chatter ;)

Her 7 month overview from the doctors

A cute video of her laughing. Jeff calls the way I talk to Scarlette "redneck baby talk." Everytime I talk to her he's like "you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl." And I'm all "Honey. There are CHICKENS across the street from us. How are we not in the country?"

All the feeding tube information (I told y'all it was a long story)

Also, remember when y'all asked me a bunch of questions? I finally started answering those over there as well. I think I'm able to answer them with more clarity now that I'm a little more removed from the experience. I'm also working on compiling a list of the resources and products that were most helpful to me as a micro-preemie/NICU mommy in hopes that it and the FAQs will be helpful to other people in our situation!

But the big news?

Scarlette said her first word!

She can say "hi" and she loves to say hi to her toy octopus. She just laughs at him and says "hi" over and over. And she'll repeat it back to us, so obviously I already sent in her application to Harvard because she's such a little genius. Watch your back, Mark Zuckerberg.

P.S. I linked up with Kelly's Korner on Friday. She has shown us such kindness and since Friday's linkup was for blogs of families with special needs children, I wanted to share it here because I know a lot of y'all have little ones with special needs and thought you might enjoy connecting with similar families.

Ironically, I now have a real confession

On an day of this week which shall remain unnamed lest it live on in infamy, I cut off the tip of Scarlette's thumb while clipping her nails.

I didn't nick it like you know EVERY MOTHER WHO HAS EVER CUT THEIR INFANT'S NAILS. Oh no. I cut her. If I felt at all humorous about this situation, I'd have used the opportunity to go all "Girl, I. will. cut. you." a la Bon Qui Qui in my title. Or perhaps "Just a flesh wound." The possibilities are endless and opportunities like that don't come around very often in a lifetime. Unless you are me and you maim your only child. You know, whatevs.

I knew right away that it was bad but I held a compress on it for a few minutes before I called the doctor. When that didn't stop the bleeding, I totally lost my ever loving mind. I'm not supposed to take Scarlette to the ER if I don't absolutely have to. When we go to one of our batrillion doctor appointments, we're ushered right into a quarantine room so that we don't have to sit in a waiting room with other kids. I like to pretend I'm a total VIP as I walk in and am taken straight back while the rest of the people in there are saying things like "we've been waiting an HOUR!" For what it's worth, I have to wait forever in the quarantine room and it's always freaking freezing in there. But I digress. Digression is my thing.

I call the doctor to see if they can fix her up so that I can avoid the ER because I'm certain she needs stitches. OH. MY. GOSH. And I'm crying because see all of the above. The sweet nurse is trying to calm me down and telling me that it's probably just fine and that everyone nicks their baby when cutting their nails for the first time.

This is where I break in and tell her that I've been cutting Scarlette's nails since she weighed two pounds and her nails were the size of ants. Tiny little baby ants. I also tell her about that time that Scarlette's vein blew and I had to hold a tourniquet on it and THAT STOPPED BLEEDING and this? This is not. And she's all "Okay, so you better come on in."

They ended up putting six (SIX!) little steristrips on her thumb to close the wound. And it turns out that I'm totally amazing in a crisis UNLESS I CAUSE THE CRISIS. Then I do things like call my husband at his new job hysterically sobbing "I CUT OFF THE BABY'S FINGER!" to which my rational husband kept saying "Honey, it has to be a physical impossibility to cut off her finger with baby clippers" to which I would like to say, yes, YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN'T YOU.

Safety clippers my arse.

I guess the only positive thing that has come out of this whole thing is that Scarlette will be appearing in the next Guinness Book Of World Records. Because I am never. cutting. her. nails. again.

I know what you're going to say. That I need to "get back on the horse" or whatever the phrase is. But I'm pretty sure what I just did completely invalidates it.

Scarlette is totally fine, minus the fact that she keeps trying to gnaw through the mittens on her hands to get the bandage off. Here's a picture of her to prove it. I'm can't believe I'm even posting this, except that I am kind of hoping many of you will comment to tell me that you've done much, much worse so that I don't feel like the worst. mother. ever.

Our First Mother's Day

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord. Psalm 113:9

Happy Mother's Day. It is a beautiful day in our house, so much more so than I ever imagined. Especially because Jeff took over and let me sleep. For hours. And also? Because Scarlette laughed today. For the first time. She was cooing a lot this morning and tonight in the bath she laughed.

It was amazing in the way everything your baby does for the first time is amazing and new and wonderful. And it was breathtaking because on December 1 we stood next to her as a surgeon described how he was going to make an incision in our one and a half pound baby and deflate her lung to correct her PDA. He told us that if she bled out, they could not save her. He told us that her vocal cord nerves were the thickness of a human hair and that he'd have to manuever around them in order to get to her heart. He told us if he cut or damaged them, she might not talk.

And today, on my very first Mother's Day no less, she laughed at us.

Today is beautiful.

To those of you who spend this day as I did the past few years, feeling the bitter sting of infertility, you are so loved by me today. If you're needing encouragement, I greatly recommend Sarah's Laughter.

P.S. in celebrating Mother's Day, we're giving away a $50 gift card over at little light studio.

Overhead In Our House | New Baby Edition V2

Sadly, I think this time around these need qualifiers so that you don't think our household is totally insane.

• Can you unplug the baby so I can move her? The thing about having a baby hooked up to machines 24/7 is that at some point you start referring to the cords/wires as though they are a part of her. Like you have some sort of crazy Matrix-fied baby.
• I got the booger out on the second try! One of us is having a really hard time using the hand held suction bulb
• Did you know that your mommy is crazy? Actually, that one's been said by both of us a lot.
• Why is there a piece of paper in the car that says NIPPLES? For bottles y'all. For bottles. But I can see where that might really throw off my husband.
• Hey, why does the baby smell like bacon? So, she has to wear this little belt to hold her electrodes on and she sweats like a linebacker under that thing.
• I just caught baby throw up with my hands. With my hands. Jeff's first time experiencing projectile reflux. For some reason, he thought it would be a good idea to try and catch it. Maybe it's some sort of athletic reflex. Luckily, I'm not at all athletic so I just point her at the nearest bare spot on the floor and mop it up afterwards. I'm pretty sure I have the better idea here.

- I have a lot of questions to answer/stuff to post about this week: how we are adjusting, how she is doing (working on a part of the blog for just her updates), our march for babies walk, etc. I'd like to ask for your prayers as I finish prayerfully composing my post for tomorrow. I want to address a sensitive subject that I am currently dealing with and my hope on those sorts of posts is always to have a graceful heart in it. Thank you.

Scarlette's First Easter

Today is Easter Sunday. It is Scarlette's first Easter celebration, which meant a little photo session of dressing up before I have to put her feeding tube back in. Her basket includes some mini Cadbury eggs, but of course.

This Easter I think of love.

Our Father did it willingly. For me. For you. For the world He loved so much He gave His only begotten son. (via)

My friend Jody shared this link the other day and I want to share it with you. Because I am a mother who almost lost her daughter. And though I am blessed to have her in my arms, I am also now a mother who counts among her friends many that lost their babies. Living out the darkest of days here on this earth strips your faith down to the barest nakedness, exposing what it is you truly believe. For me it is the simplicity of this: God is good.

Happy Easter, this day of rejoicing.