The house looked like a story book, garlands draped from the porch, red and green lights twinkling and oversized candy canes dotting the sidewalk. I drove past slowly and then made a u-turn. I didn't want to look at Christmas lights alone. I wanted to look at them with Jeff. I made my way back to his house, thinking about our conversation.
"I don't want you to think it's an ultimatum, I'd told him, it's not, really, it's just that I'm afraid I feel more for you and I'm not sure I want to be emotionally in a different place than you..or you know, that thing we haven't said yet, I don't want to be there alone..." I knew my words didn't make much sense. He tried to soothe my fears without giving away that he'd taken the ring back to the jewelers just that morning to have it cleaned yet again. He wanted it to be perfect. Trust me, he'd said.
"Remember the date night I'd planned in September?" he asked. I did, I'd been looking forward to dressing up for it. But in the months since the accident, we'd mostly stuck to my house. I was too anxious to leave my dad alone until he was walking again. "New Year's Eve, he said, I'll pick you up."
The room was dark except for the brilliant glow of the candles, hundreds of candles. I turned to Jeff as he took my jacket. "You know, if you ever do decide to propose to me you should definitely use candles. A+ for that." He smiled and we sat down to the dinner he had prepared. He slid a slip of paper towards me. "The movie ticket from our first date, he said, you should scrapbook it."
I asked for another piece of pie. "Um, you can't have one" he said nervously. I eyed him curiously. "Okaaay, I'm going to change out of my skirt then" I told him. The tights were itchy and I had a pair of jeans stashed in my bag. "Um, no you can't do that yet. Actually, I was going to ask you to dance with me." He pressed a button and pulled me to him, swaying gently to the music. I teared up a little as the song faded in the background. He cleared his throat. "I have a gift for you" he told me as he reached under the couch.
"I didn't get you anything! I didn't know we were doing New Year's presents. I've never given anyone a New Year's present!" I exclaimed apologetically.
He handed me a small leather book. A Bible. Tiny gold letters embossed into the cover spelled out Kayla Aimee Terrell. I stood there, trying to work out what it meant. So maybe he did think I was the one? Is that why his last name was on there? Why not tell me? He'd said he wouldn't think about proposing for over a year. So was this like, a pre-proposal? Maybe it was sort of like a promise ring, I thought. "Look at the name" he encouraged. I stared at him in confusion. "I am" I replied. "Look at the ribbon" he said.
And that's when I saw the ring, tied to a satin burgandy ribbon pressed between the pages. I looked up in astonishment only to find him down on one knee. "I love you, he said in a voice I'd never forget, will you marry me?"
He handed me a piece of paper after I said yes. He'd written me a song, he told me. My eyes fell on the date. "You knew? You've known? When did you..." He brushed my hair back. "I've always needed you, he told me, I just didn't always know it."
The doorbell chimed and Jeff's eyes sparkled as our friends came through the door with gifts and desserts and congratulations. He had them in on it, he informed me. They all knew. "We were trying to throw you off" said Christie Michelle. "FINALLY!" exclaimed Cherany.
He held my hand, tracing his finger over my ring as we all counted down the new year.













