kayla aimee: only slightly neurotic

It's Time Again For...Obscure Google Searches!

A few times a year I do a series of posts on what people typed into Google that led them to my blog. I like to follow this up with sarcastic commentary and a general air of what in the heckfire are people searching this stuff for?

Only this time I decided to google the phrases myself and see exactly what post on my blog their obscure google searches led them to. I now have a new favorite pastime called "discovering the internet is crazy."

"NICU twins greek yogurt" - I can't figure out why anyone would type this phrase into Google. I keep coming back to it and I've got no plausible explanation. Is someone putting greek yogurt ON their babies? I mean, I understand searching one thing at a time. I've even blogged about my extreme distate for greek yogurt. But the reason that someone would search for all four words together completely eludes me. Why someone would search for it ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN TIMES is going to be one of the great mysteries of my life. That's right. 118.

"how sexy is the name Xavier?" - very sexy.

"babysitters club tiff" - There was no Tiff in The Baby Sitter's Club. You disgrace us all with that search. Which leads to this incredibly old post about The Baby Sitter's Club and my best friend Tiffani that probably leaves the searcher wondering "What in the heckfire did I just read?"

"apartment plunger maintenance" - I sincerely hope they had better luck with their apartment plunger maintenance than we did. That thing was a pain to maintain. You had to make sure it was always sitting over in it's little plunger holder and not out throwing midnight plunger raves with the bleach and the toilet brush. It was exhausting. Actually, I'm pretty sure that leads people to the time I talked about the maintenance man using our bathroom plunger on our kitchen sink, which most likely completely freaked out that new reader. *Waves*

"guy calls me kiddo" - This falls under the category of "What Do You Expect Google To Do About That?" I mean, this is something you say on the phone, with a friend. You're like, "I really like this guy but he keeps calling me kiddo" and you're friend is all "That's weird" and so on and so forth. Turns out this google search leads to a ton of people asking on message boards if it is creepy for the guy you are dating to call you kiddo. Luckily for them, I already answered that question. Yes.

"cut off finger scarlette" - Dear Scarlette, I am so sorry. Not just for cutting off part of your thumb, but for that fact that people search for it on the internet. Please don't grow up to hate me for being a mommy blogger.

"life has a way" - of sneaking up on you. I have no idea. That's not me. That's Alanis Morisette.

Also, you could ask Little Red Riding Hood. She'd be just as much help.

April showers bring May flowers. They also bring bizarre Google searches like this one and this one. I love the randomness of the Google searches that lead people to my blog so much that I made a little category for it.

The best part of these searches is that they were all searched on more than one occasion. As if the search terms weren't bizarre enough as it is, it leaves me in total awe that either a) the same person is frantically searching for the same thing repeatedly or b) more than one person is searching the same obscure phrase. It's just like that scene in Fievel.

"And even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star searching for things that are bizarre."

1) "Where's that to?" - I have no idea. Googling isn't going to help you out here because what your question is missing is PERTINENT INFORMATION. This question only works in person, like if someone hands you a map or points to a trail. Then you can ask "Where's that to?" albeit improperly. The internet will never provide you with a satisfying answer to this question.

2) Waistband stomach ache - don't wear such tight pants. I'm talking to you, Miley Cyrus.

3) Kayla Aimee + Ex Boyfriend's name - the fact that someone is continually Google searching (and by continually I mean over 14 times in the past month) for me + a guy I dated over five years ago is creepy. This is exactly why Jeff won't let me post pictures of our house on the internet.

4) What can I pretend is in my postal package when my parents ask? - here's the thing, if you need to ask this question at all, much less to a robotic online search engine, I'm gonna have to recommend you DON'T ORDER WHATEVER IT IS YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT ORDERING.

5) Tornado safety - I am happy to know that my blog probably saved a life today. That's why I do this. To save lives. You are welcome.

6) Where can I find Grandmother's lamp - Mostly likely over the river and through the woods. A good place to look for Grandmother's lamp? At Grandmother's house. A terrible place to look for Grandmother's lamp? On Google.

7) Singing the macarena in the bathtub - while this does sound like fun, I can't help but wonder why you were googling it. Are you trying to diagnose someone? Do they randomly burst into a lively rendition of the macarena whilst bathing? Are you wondering how to complete the complex dance maneuvers of the macarena whilst in the cramped quarters of the bathtub? Why? Why did you Google this?

The other thing I love is knowing that the next time these phrases are searched, the searcher will end up here, reading my commentary. It's TOTALLY like my Dear Abby fantasy come to life.

In completely unrelated news, swing by my blog tomorrow because Pink Paislee is giving away a $25 gift package to one of my blog readers!