kayla aimee: only slightly neurotic

To My Husband

It's been four years to the day that I put on a white dress and headed down an aisle towards you, my great love.

And as we said I do, I honestly believed there was no way I could ever love you more.

But now we have Scarlette.

The first time you laid eyes on her, I realized I was wrong. I thought I could never love you more, until I saw you love our daughter.

I can not look at one of you without seeing the other.

She could not be blessed with a better father.

She is amazing because she is yours.

On the worst day of my life I wept to you that we might lose her. And you held me close, as close as you can hold someone in a hospital bed, and whispered to me that whatever happened, you were there. I clung to that. As they administered more drugs, as the contractions increased, as they drew a line across my belly with a scalpel, I clung to that. To you.

And every day since, every tough day that she fights to be with us, I cling to you still. And you meet us with grace and gentleness and love.

And she could not be blessed with a better father.

I love you.

Happy Anniversary

The Date That Wasn't

Some of you wanted to know more about The Date That Wasn't (namely "what was Jeff thinking?!") so here is that story in full:

I liked Jeff. A lot. A whole lot. Enough to propose to him in his high school yearbook. Jeff did not like me. Jeff liked girls that looked as though they belonged in an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. That's why I dyed my hair dark brown and stuffed my bra all of senior year.

Sophomore year of college, Jeff called me up and asked me to dinner, just the two of us. He had something he wanted to talk to me about.

I called in sick to work and spent the entire day getting ready. Because this was it, people. This was the date. We were pretty much engaged in my head. I mean, sure we'd never been on a date before. And okay, so we weren't even a couple. And yeah, maybe he didn't have feelings for me before. But I was certain I was going to marry him. So the stuff in between didn't really matter. Once I landed that one date, it was pretty much going to be all set from there.

He drove to my house and picked me up. We ordered dinner. And then.

Then he told me that he didn't have feelings for me. That he knew I thought I would marry him. That he didn't want to lead me on.

I am pretty sure that I slammed down my drink and asked him just what part of picking me up and taking me to dinner was not leading me on.

And I'm pretty sure that he tried to tell me that he wanted to let me down gently. 

I'm also pretty sure that I don't remember the rest of the conversation after I asked him to take me home. He tells me that I was really fiesty that night.

To his credit, he really cared about me back then. It just wasn't in the same way that I cared for him. He didn't think I was going to let go of my feelings for him. That night broke my heart. It made me like him even more, because of how kind he was trying to be to me. It was a LONG three years without him in life after that.

There's a lot more to our story but I love this piece because as heartbreaking as it was at the time, it's a reminder to my impatient self that God works everything to our good in His time.