kayla aimee: only slightly neurotic

Scarlette Saturday | Nom, Nom, Nom, Nom TOES!

Dear Scarlette,
I'm writing you this letter on my fourth cup of coffee so forgive me if I start rambling incoherently like I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. You've decided that mommy getting any sleep is not on your agenda and so I can barely put together a full sentence without being caffeinated to ten buck two. I did manage to write this letter on the appropriate day so we're calling that a victory, savvy?

This past weekend you were able to meet your extended family for the first time. Your great-grandmother flew in from Texas, plus you got to meet your aunts and uncles. You have some stranger anxiety and clung to me like a little koala bear. I assume this is from the fact that every stranger you've ever met has given you a shot or a feeding tube.

You're doing so great with your physical therapy. This week you started sitting up on your own. You only last about eight seconds before you fall over, but eight seconds is all the time you have to stay on a bull to win a rodeo so I'd say that makes you a champion at sitting.

You have just discovered your toes and you're like "Toys? Why would I want to play with toys? Have you seen this? I have FEET! With TOES ON THEM! I need to put them in my mouth! Nom, nom, nom, nom, TOES!"

You are not, however, what they call an "easy baby" right now. You have learned to make yourself choke in order to get our attention. Right. Your developmental therapist says that this is normal, that you learned we would rush to you when you were choking on your feeding tube. And since you're a little genius, now you're all "Those big people, I CAN CONTROL THEM! I HAVE ALL THE POWER! I WILL CHOKE AND MAKE THEM DO MY BIDDING!"

Please nip that in the bud or I'm seriously going to be all yo ho ho and a BOTTLE OF RUM. Or seven.

You make up for it by doing this smacking thing with your lips to get your daddy's attention that is the cutest thing I've ever seen since that last really cute thing you did. On the other hand, you've also discovered shrieking.

And also? We taught you how to blow raspberries because it made you laugh and we were all "SHE'S LAUGHING! MAKE HER LAUGH AGAIN!" which in hindsight wasn't the brightest idea we've ever had because now you spit all the time. You're spitting on me as I type this. With your foot in your mouth.

You're our favorite awesome tiny girl.

Love,
Mommy

(other recent Scarlette posts: Medically Speaking @7.5 Months)

Scarlette Saturday | Six Months Old

Dear Scarlette,

Today you are six months old. Look at you. You are so amazing. I will have to work on this letter because right now I see these photos of how far you've come and I myself am overcome with emotion. Just look at you.

I love you,
Mommy

Scarlette Saturday | Fashion Show At Lunch

Dear Scarlette,

You're currently asleep on my chest, which is pretty much the only place you can sleep without choking. Flippin' feeding tube. That means I am incredibly thankful for the reclining couch your great-grandmother bought us because it affords me a modicum of rest at night. That also means I am typing this with one hand, which isn't doing anything to help my propensity for typos. You're killin' me, smalls.

We're still in a pretty intense quarantine but I like to dress you up every day and take pictures as though we're going fancy places. I think you probably appreciate looking so cute. Nevermind that I've been wearing the same pair of yoga pants for the past three days. I actually did yoga in them, which makes that fact kind of gross. Keep that to yourself.

I bought you that plaid skirt the day I found out I was having a girl and then you were born just one month and a day later. Both of those outfits are newborn sized and still so big on you. But to me, you look like such a big girl.

I took you to the cardiologist and someone asked me how old you were. They stumbled over a response after I replied that you were five and a half months old and I realized that the rest of the world sees you so very differently than I do. Other babies look disproportionately large to me, which makes me think 5 months around preemie babies skewed my perception.

This week you hit a few 2 month developmental milestones and I am so proud of you. You've started grabbing things and holding on to them, which I thought was pretty much the equivalent of doing some sort of rocket science. You also started hitting the rattle on your play mat and smiling when it makes noise. It's such a purposeful action and I cheer you on like crazy every time you do it. You've also started bobbing your head to music. You're a big fan of Adele and Buddy Holly and sadly, Whip My Hair. Your aunt Miana introduced you to that one and apparently, it makes you turn your swag on. It's amazing to see you progress, my baby who we thought might not even breathe on her own right now.

You weigh 7 pounds 13 ounces and every time I look at you I think your GI doctor is crazy for labeling you "failure to thrive." You are thriving just fine.

I love you little bit,
Mommy

(i'm hosting scarlette photos at flickr in an effort to keep them from being shared w/out permission, feel free to add me as a contact so you can see more pics of  here there!)

Dear Scarlette :: Homecoming

April 13, 2011
Dear Scarlette,
Yesterday we drove home from the hospital with you in the car. I had played that moment in my head when I was pregnant and never did I imagine that while I had the setting right, I had the timing all wrong. You were five months and five days old yesterday. The first time we drove home from the hospital, you stayed behind in a little incubated box. We fought our tears and you fought to live.

As I type this you are lying next to me. We had picked out the cutest basinette for you but instead you are in this special sleeper that helps you not to choke in the night. I fretted over that bassinette, over fabric and softness, over cost and coordination with our curtains. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than you lying in this contraption of mesh and cotton, breathing.

One day motherhood might not be like this for me. One day you’re going to roll your eyes at me and draw out the word Mother into three syllables and I will throw up my hands in exasperation. And I might forget to be grateful that you are here to do these things, rolling your eyes and breathing.

But right now you keep me up all night, with your adjusted age being so like that of a newborn and I am sleepless and showerless and kept awake by the sound of the drip, drip, drip of your feeding pump. I’d be awake without the pump, though, listening and marveling at the other sound, the sound of you, here, breathing.

To say today was good would be an understatement, Scarlette. Today was hard. Your care? It’s intense. Your mother? She’s exhausted. But today? Today was amazing. You smiled at us today. You smiled at the nurse that comes to see you in our house and she was pretty impressed with you too. The first time you did that was on Sunday, when your daddy jingled your favorite lady bug toy at you. You smiled over and over again and it was the first time we knew for sure that you were smiling in response to stimulation. That was on April 10, by the way. Note to self: put that in the as-of-yet-still-non-existant baby book.

That’s what this is, in case you were wondering. The start of legacy of letters to chronicle your first year with us. I can't wait to get to know you more.

I love you, little girl. And I love having you home.

Love,
Mommy