kayla aimee: only slightly neurotic

Dating Horror Stories | Volume Two

I loved reading your stories on the last installment, so please share in the comments!

Tiger, Tiger
This guy I dated in college spent a lot of time getting up the nerve to ask me a question. I spent a lot of time in anticipation of said question. I pondered over whether or not I'd marry him while he sat there looking nervously at the floor. Finally, he manage to get up the courage to ask me. His request? That I call him "Tiger." Actually, I did bring myself to call him that once or twice. He was really cute, y'all.

Like A Shiny Hood Ornament
I was at a friend's house, flipping through their yearbook. I mentioned that I thought a certain guy was hot, so they decided to set up a group blind date for me. The blind date went well, only I was more into the guy's friend than him. I went out on a few more dates with yearbook boy. It was on the 3rd date that he drove to a parking lot full of car enthusiasts and asked me to stand by the car and look pretty. It was like something out of The Fast and The Furious. It was after the 6th date at the faux racetrack that I dumped him for his cute friend.

Not Those Kind Of Fireworks
A guy at work asked me to go to the fireworks display with him. I did not think this was a date. He took me to dinner first and then kissed me. And I let him because he was cute and I was feeling needy. This should have been my first warning sign, because my typical MO was to make boys wait a whole month before I let them kiss me. It was when we hopped in the back of the truck to watch the fireworks that I noticed he had a mattress in the truck bed. It was after I raised my eyebrows at the mattress that he told me his intentions. Apparently he missed the memo that I did not put out. And if I was going to put out, it would not be in the back of a truck in the middle of the Fourth of July picnic. You're welcome, dad.

The Date That Wasn't
This guy I really liked called and asked me out to dinner. He picked me up. He took me to a restaurant. We ordered. He told me that he knew I liked him but he didn't have any romantic interest in me. I went home and cried for two days. Because that guy was Jeff, the man that came to his senses four years later and married me.

Dating Horror Stories Volume One

Sadly, I have a myriad of these. For example, the one where I went on a date with a guy that frequented the coffee shop I worked at and he spent the entire evening calling me "kiddo." Now, that is awkward in and of itself, but when you add the fact that I am often mistaken for a twelve year old girl to the equation it becomes downright creepy.

Then there was the guy who stared at me over dinner and kept making comments about how much I looked like his ex-girlfriend. Because that's totally what you want to hear on your first date.

This one technically doesn't count as a date, but the approach is so horrifying that I'm including it. Let me give you a little backstory. My best friend is really hot. Intimidatingly hot. The kind of hot where for most of high school, the boys that talked to me were boys who were asking me to hook them up with her. But (unfortunately for them) she does not hook up. She's like Kelly Clarkson. This is Tiffani and I at her wedding. I mean, eventually she hooked up with Jon and had a lot of babies. But that has nothing to do with this story.

So in this story we're away at college. We were roommates at a teeny, tiny private college and at said college there were exactly seven hot guys. Really. Seven. Tiffani had a boyfriend at the time. I did not. I had a recent ex-boyfriend who had just dumped me and then called Tiffani to ask her out WHILE SHE WAS DRIVING ME HOME FROM THE PLACE WHERE HE BROKE UP WITH ME AT. What? I'm not bitter.

We did, however, still categorize the seven hot guys at school and would giggle when hot guy number one who worked in the college mail room would talk to us.

So when hot guy number two stopped us in the hallway,we might have been giddy.

He asked Tiffani to the upcoming frat formal. She politely (and slightly reluctantly) declined, because she did have a boyfriend and all. We turned to leave and he put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

"So, he says to me, you were like, my second choice so how about you? Do you want to go?"

And here's a life lesson for the three guys that read this blog. NEVER TELL A GIRL SHE WAS YOUR SECOND CHOICE. Especially if your first choice was her hot best friend that you just asked out right in front of her.

I know y'all must have some dating horror stories. Please share them. I can't be the only girl who's date refused to speak to them on the drive home because I didn't want to share a dessert fork.