We can help you turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every day, into a Franken-fine!

I had the TV on in the background while J was sleeping and heard Dr. Phil's voice. I thought to myself "Self, that's odd, I thought we were watching Sesame Street." And then I looked up and saw this:

   

The next story, in pictures:

We can't just go to Target. No, Newlywed Natalie and I take over Target. Notice the fine alliteration in that last sentence. I know it looks as though we are in a tropical paradise. But really, we just took ourselves and our Starbucks over to the hip little cabana setup they had in the middle of the store and sat down for some conversation as though that's what the display was meant for.  You know how when you were little you would go stand in the store windows all still and unblinking and hope people would think you were a manaquin and then you'd jump out and scare them? No? Just me? Well, Newlywed Natalie and I take that game a step further. While she models in the little home living room setup, I take pictures of her and then people that walk past us look at us like we might be dangerous to get too close to.

It's bad enough that at 22 we sit in the cabana on the cute couch with our coffee and have a serious conversation about life. It's probably worse that when serious customers walked into the cabana to check out said couches, we just continued our conversation as though it were complete normal for us to be there. My fiance is going to read that sentence and shake his head at me.

But the worst thing of all is that travesty of a throwback to the eighties bikini I'm holding up. Seriously Target, it is hard to disappoint me what with your ultrafab dollar spot, rows of sparkly jewlery, and an aisle devoted to my obsession with Making Memories products. But that bikini tells me you are just one step away from selling leggings a la Lindsay Lohan style and that, Target, is completly unacceptable. I won't even mention the lack of Hilary Duff Stuff I noticed on my recent trip and if you start promoting the Lohan-I-look-like-just-stepped-out-of-a-bad-Aerosmith-movie style, I will be forced to take my shopping over Walmart and support the multimillionaire Olsen twins. And even though they look like they stepped out of that part in Zoolander where the models are wearing trash bags, even they know better than to pair large rhinestone buckles with rushed fushia satin fabric and then hack it into pieces and call it a bikini. So please Target, for the sake of all that is good and affordable, throw those bikini's in the pile of things-that-should-never-be-seen again, like scrunchies, trucker hats, and Michael Bolton CD's. Amen.

Comments

[darcyholsopple]

I'm with you.. the 80's stuff that "seems" to be in right now makes me want to vomit.

And for some reason, I forgot the word travesty was a word and you have this super funny post, and I'm laughing at the word travesty. I'm a tard. =/ at least you love this (vera lovin'.. I see it in your pic!) tard.

[Steph (Steph Homburg)]

Seriously, I want to be your in real life friend and go drink starbucks in a Target cabana

As long as afterwards we could go get deli sandwiches from Publix. Because that's the thing I miss most from living down there.

[Valerie]

I wish we had Target here!! You and your friends look so comfortable in the cabana. As long as you have Starbucks there it's, all good!!

[Valerie]

I forgot to ask you if you got me email about the other page I made you?! Let me know!!

[pr31wb /steph]

ROFLOL at your Target story. And you are so right about the 80's stuff (ugh, I've lived the nightmare and once was enough, thanks), but I am too busy laughing about your Olsen twins remark to agree properly.